The OC Web :: Email This Article

Your Email:

Your Name:

To:

Subject:

Message:
Why are there so many single Orthodox Jews? Perhaps we can point to the amplified tension surrounding courtship and marriage or to the disappearance of normal, natural ways for people to meet. All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? --THE BEATLES-- Why are there so many single Orthodox Jews? Perhaps we can point to the amplified tension surrounding courtship and marriage or to the disappearance of normal, natural ways for people to meet. Some people delay marriage due to concerns about career, education or finances. Others find that the new "rules and regulations" which have emerged on the dating scene limit their possibilities. Whatever the causes, one thing is certain: we as a community have not done enough to address the root issues that contribute to and surround the "Singles Phenomenon." To be fair, we have also added to the loneliness of single people - through lack of acceptance, implicit or explicit. These are concerns not only for singles, but also for the entire Jewish community. We are dealing with our future, with the health of a generation of observant Jews. Whether we personally are married or not, we should be concerned. At the Orthodox Caucus our goal is to move the community towards action on these issues. To that end, we offer the following essays as a glimpse of the complex mosaic that comprises the Singles Phenomenon. In an attempt to reflect the diverse, growing singles population we have called upon a variety of people to share their insights. The authors presented here are a microcosm of our community. They are rabbis, teachers, parents, social workers, mental health professionals and people who have dedicated their lives to this issue. They also include singles from all walks of life not only people in their 20's or 30's, but single parents who are widowed or divorced, or older people who have never been married. The goal of this compilation is to make each of us think - and think differently - about a situation that touches all of our lives either directly or tangentially. Our objective is to implement a change in attitude among synagogues, organizations, schools, and families which will enable single people of all ages to feel included in the Orthodox community, and to pursue courtship in a natural, friendly, less tension-filled way. And while there appears to be sharp disagreement among the essayists, striking themes emerge in the pages before you. Many singles have not been able to get married despite their wishes otherwise. Some feel alienated by the Orthodox community, sometimes losing the will to live an observant life. Others are tired of being pitied; instead, they would prefer people's acceptance, encouragement and maybe even a thoughtful effort to set them up on a date. We urge you to spend some time with these essays. Many of the authors have courageously shared their stories and have offered ways for us to improve - concrete fashion - upon circumstances which are troubling to so many. Think about these words and share them with your friends and family. This publication, however, is only a first step. Instead of worrying about what someone else can do, each of us needs to get involved. Our shared challenge is to implement practical, concrete changes. Your thoughts and ideas can help us turn these words into real change: change that will improve individual people' lives; change that will strengthen the fabric of our community now and into the future. On the last page you will find some ideas for moving forward.We hope you will also join the discussion this website. Together we can let all Jews know that though they may be lonely, they are not alone. Rabbi Shmuel Goldin of Congregation Ahavath Torah in Englewood, NJ is also an instructor of Bible at Yeshiva University. Rabbi Josh Joseph is the Executive Director of The Orthodox Caucus. http://www.ocweb.org/index.php/381/