Sample Rabbinic Letter to a Bridal Couple
Posted on 6:39PM October 07, 2004 | Email This
Dear (Bride and Groom,)Mazel tov again, on your forthcoming wedding. I am looking forward to it with great anticipation of what will, I am sure, be a wonderful simchah.
I am writing to you (as I do to all bridal couples) to raise what I consider an important matter for your future happiness: the signing of a prenuptial agreement. When we will meet to discuss marriage, family life, and the details of the wedding ceremony, we will discuss the matter further, but for now I'd like to touch on the benefits of having such an agreement between the two of you. As a matter of fact the Rabbinical Council of America has urged all is members not to officiate at a marriage unless a prenuptial has been signed, for the simple reason that it is so obviously in the interest of both the bride and groom. A copy of the agreement is enclosed with this letter, for you to examine at your leisure.
What exactly is involved in this agreement?
You may have read or heard reports of women (and sometimes, although rarely, men too) who find themselves in the position of an agunah. That is to say that if their marriage has broken up, and a civil divorce has been granted, they cannot remarry for many years, if ever, because they have not had a religious divorce (known as a get, given by the husband to the wife, in the presence of a rabbinical court.) There are today thousands of Jewish women who find themselves in that situation, because their husbands (perhaps out of anger, or spite, or to gain custody, or for whatever reason) refuse to initiate the get, as required by Jewish law. Even for men, remarriage is extremely difficult, if the wife for whatever reason refuses to receive a get from him. Unfortunately there is no way a husband or a wife can be forced to give or receive a get--for it must be voluntarily undertaken to be valid. Thus some women or men might find themselves or their families subject to blackmail or other injustices, as their spouse withholds the get for ulterior motive. And experience has taught that there is no sure way of knowing which marriage this might happen to, no matter how much the groom and bride love and respect each other prior to marriage.
In response to this situation (and I might say, as well, to demands by women's groups that something be done about it,) leading orthodox rabbis, together with some respected legal scholars, have devised the enclosed prenuptial agreement to be signed by both bride and groom before the wedding takes place. Essentially it says that in the unlikely case that the marriage fails, the husband agrees that he will continue to maintain and support the wife on a daily basis until he gives, and she receives, a get, assuming she too complies with the proper requirements expected of her. A second agreement, attached to the first, stipulates that in case of a dispute as to the implementation of the agreement, they agree to binding arbitration before a specifically named rabbinical court. These agreements are carefully worded, based on rabbinic and legal experience and requirements; they encourage the signers to consult with their own rabbi and lawyer if they have any questions; and they can be tailored to the specific needs of the couple. The bottom line is that they give strong incentive to expedite a get, and thereby prevent some future injustice, for either the wife or husband.
Please read the agreement in both its parts carefully; discuss it with each other and others whose opinion you value. By signing it you will not be implying any less love for the one you now love so much--but in fact you will demonstrate your selfless concern for each other, no matter what the future will bring.
I have every reason to expect that yours will be a long and wonderful marriage, blessed by God in every way, for you are a very special couple. At the same time, however, I urge you to agree to sign the prenuptial, and in so doing to help not only yourselves, but the Jewish community here and around the world eliminate this problem once and for all.
Again, mazel tov--with best wishes for a loving, caring, and beautiful marriage.
Sincerely,
(Rabbi)
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