Welcome to OCWeb and OrthoSingles.org: Click on the Articles Below and Share a Reaction or Comment
In a culture where getting married in your early 20s is not only encouraged, but the norm, more and more singles are finding it difficult to "find a mate" as they enter their thirties. Pressures from parents & community members as well as nightly weddings of friends don't make it easier for those who truly want to find love and ultimately marry for the right reasons. Presented here is a collection of articles designed to get people to think and talk about the multiplicity of issues that comprise the "Orthodox Singles Phenomenon."The articles are by a range of authors, including singles, parents of singles, former singles, rabbis and mental health professionals. Though the articles differ widely from one to the next, the message conveyed throughout is that the singles population is incredibly diverse and different issues apply to its various segments.
A 25 year old confronts different problems than a 35 or 45 year old. Unmarried people who are older, or divorced, or widowed may not be the stereotypical image of a single person; but they, too, must be a focus of our attention. It is critical that anyone who is single, by choice or by reality, feel valued and included.
This is not a dating site. It is a discussion site. Join the Discussion. Comment on the articles on the site, submit your own essay. We welcome your thoughts that relate to the Orthodox singles scene even on topics considered "slightly taboo."
The goal of the articles and discussions is to uncover ideas for concrete action that will be implemented in the coming year and beyond.
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004: lawismylife wrote…
It is time that all Jews make it their responsibility to alleviate this shidduch crisis. I just attended for the first time a Shidduch Club, organized in an orthodox synagogue basement, where married people try to network and make dates happen. I was so impressed at the organization the Staten Island group had, and the careful way they preserved the privacy of the potential dates. I would encourage all synagogues to have a branch to take part of this important mitzvah.
Monday, November 15, 2004: anonymous wrote…
In my opinion, some of the responses to the Kol articles demonstrate that that they seek approval of a “sex in the city” lifestyle unencumbered by marriage. I think the responses regarding rabbinical views, pre-marital sex and other issues should lead us to ask questions such as whether these issues even are discussed within the family and educational settings, or whether the next generation is developing its own set of non-halachic mores on these issues based on a sexually saturated surrounding society. Why don’t Modern Orthodox schools emphasize that marriage is a crucial mitzvah that is delayed at one’s religious peril? I also object to the PC rhetoric in which married couples are expected to view single life as consistent with a Torah observant life. In my opinion, unless these underlying fallacies within our communities are addressed, the UWS will continue to be “Sex in the Shtetl” for Modern Orthodox singles. I would also venture that family life that is devoid of Talmud Torah and views Shabbos and Yom Tov as sleep opportunities as opposed to meaningful tefillah, learning and bonding time for the entire family is an environment in which these problems have their origin. Let’s see if the powers that be within the Modern Orthodox communities will wake up and see the singles crisis as part of a larger issue- the fate of Modern Orthodoxy as a realistic and viable religious option. Until Modern Orthodoxy figures out why so many kids either go charedi or drop their observance, this problem will metastasize like a cancer that has been treated with a band-aid and an aspirin, as opposed to radical and necessary surgery.
Sunday, July 10, 2005: downunder wrote…
It seems as though the single situation is turning more into a situation of increasing deadlock than getting resolved. As an observant single adult, I see the following issues with people looking for potential spouses.
1) Web site dating is not the same as buying an item from the Sears catalog. A lot of people have very narrowly defined critieria that it is almost impossible to find someone that exactly matches the criteria. It is important to broadly define your criteria as possible to get maximum results. Also, the best thing for you might be something you are not even looking for.
2) Think of potential matches as real people and do not compare them to television personalities as portrayed on TV shows. A lot of times people would like their potential matches to be just like a particular person on a show. A TV show is well written and portrayed by actors. Real life has actual people, and not everyone is a 100% perfect. It is important to accept people as they actually are.
3) Don’t expect more of someone than you are willing to be yourself. I see a lot of ads on the websites on what people are looking for, but don’t think they would fit the criteria that they are looking for. Be realistic in your expectations and how you are in reality. Don’t overinflate your self image.
4) If I am only for myself who am I - it is important to be a team player. When going into a relationship there is give and take. It is important to give and not only take, Look to see what you are actually bringing to a relationship. The onus should not be on the other person to be subservient to your needs. You both have to work together, with the result that the two of you together is much greater than each one individually.