Not Just Someone Else's Business by Rabbi Paysach Krohn
What are we doing about the thousands of unmarried people across the globe that cannot find their shidduch? Parents who have married children should especially feel the pain of others who do not.I will share with you a story about a father who was having a very difficult time finding a shidduch for his daughter. She went on lots of dates, but there was no connection and both daughter and father felt much frustration. Finally, the father wondered if Hashem was trying to tell him something: "Why am I so selfish that I only think of myself and my daughter?" So he made a list of every single man and single woman he could think of - there were about thirty of each. And then, every time he made a call on behalf of his daughter, he made a call on behalf of someone else on the list. Within five weeks, his daughter met the person she was going to marry!
And I know for a fact that every word of this story is true, because I am that father. It occurred to me that I had a responsibility to families beyond my own family. What about someone else's kids? If I am sensitive to others, maybe Hashem will help me.
This lesson has to be applied in all situations. Find someone in a similar situation to your own and try to help them and then maybe Hashem will help you. Daven for these people during Shemoneh Esrei where all the language is plural - refaenu, barech aleinu, (heal us, bless us) and so on. If you are in financial trouble, daven for someone in the same situation. Feel the pain of another Jew - make their business your business, their burden, your burden. And then surely Hashem will call out to us and embrace us.
Rabbi Paysach J. Krohn, a fifth-generation mohel, is the author of Bris Milah, as well as several other books. He is a renowned speaker well-known for his tapes around the world.
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004: davidaharon wrote…
In Toronto 20 years ago the Bais Din for Gittin (divorce court) met once a month under Harav Gedalya Felder. Today it meets under Harav Mordechai Ochs at least once a week. It seems that the same problems exist at both sides of the situation: a lack of commitment.
The shoresh (root) of the problem is as the Kabbalah calls it a very strong Ratzon LeKabel [desire to receive or take]. We who have this ratzon Lekabel have only two options:
a] to channel this for ourselves only ["what’s in it for ME"] - the Selfish person
b] to transform this into a RATZON LeHASHPA’AH [Desire to give out]
Let’s be honest: how many singles are saying what’s in it for ME? Try thinking: What can I do through it for you?
In 1960 I remember the inaugral speech of a great president, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, who said “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.” The same idea could be applied to the Singles Crisis as well.