The Silent Revolution of the Modern Era by Liaura Zacharie
Over the past 30 years, sociological and technological changes have significantly impacted the manner in which men and women view themselves, dating and marriage. In a society where material comfort, personal freedom and self-actualization have become a priority, marriage seems to have lost its supremacy. This worldwide trend is considered by European sociologists to be 'the silent revolution of the modern era.' Some countries, such as Italy, already have a negative population growth; others are headed down the same road. Can we really afford to follow this trend? [See Survey Says]The unavoidable conclusion is that Jewish continuity depends first and foremost on... ROMANCE! It is hard to understand how, for decades, we've missed this point. However, I believe that this world crisis will compel us to develop new resources that will upgrade the quality of how people relate to one another.
For many years, Jewish leadership has attempted to counteract assimilation by enhancing Jewish education. But since assimilation is expressed primarily through intermarriage, wouldn't it make more sense to have a large scale, comprehensive, professional initiative facilitating Jewish marriages? For some, marrying Jewish is not a priority, but many find it very painful to marry outside of their faith. They may feel like they are cutting themselves off from their roots, their People, their heritage, their very identity. It is quite a heavy choice, especially when it happens by lack of choice.
Some singles enjoy being single, though clearly many would rather be married. Singles can commiserate over their status, or they can see it as an opportunity to gain greater personal awareness and grow into individuals who will be able to build more fulfilling relationships. Married society should not feel threatened by these "happy singles", but rather should change our often-condescending looks for a concretely helpful hand and become informal matchmakers.
We ALL know people who aren't married. Aren't we commanded to follow in the footsteps of the Master of the World? According to the Talmud, (Masechet Kiddushin), after He created the world, God Himself chose to make a match! What could be more uplifting and rewarding than having the merit to bring happiness to Jews who want to build a family, while at the same time strengthening the Jewish People?
So what are the reasons for this growing population of single people? We can point to a combination of complex factors, among them, the relational discomfort of modern society. Individualism, egoism, lack of authenticity, and lack of fulfillment are expressed most acutely in intimate relationships. In addition, because marriages are no longer arranged, singles need a strong sense of identity and a high level of self-awareness, which they may not have achieved by the time they are ready to marry. And finally, for today's singles, functional partnerships are no longer sufficient. Singles aspire to a higher quality of relationship including love, intimacy and growth. Such relationships take longer to cultivate and involve a more selective search process.
Our goal must be to find suitable partners in a way that is easily accessible, efficient, economical and enjoyable . Fulfillment of this goal can be achieved by raising awareness on different levels. On the communal level, we need to elicit public cooperation to facilitate Jewish marriages. On the family level we need to educate parents about the impact a strong healthy marriage has on their children's attitude toward marriage. And finally, on the individual level we need to provide singles with the tools and social skills necessary to create and build long lasting relationships. We need to create opportunities for singles to meet in informal and natural settings and we need to be creative. We must develop new methods and programs to suit the needs of today's singles. We also need to raise standards and provide training for professional matchmakers.
Many singles feel bewildered and hurt by the failure of the community and its leadership to recognize their issues and by the absence of official initiatives to deal with them. By ignoring such a large part of our people we neglect our tradition of compassion, concern for others and for future generations. Our community tends to function best in "emergency mode". But in this situation we must take care of things at an earlier stage and act in "prevention mode". Let this be the end of the silent revolution, the end of our silence, and the foundation of our future.
Liaura Zacharie is the Founder of Eden 2000, a Jerusalem based NPO that has raised the singles' issue to the national agenda in Israel and is currently promoting "Romancing Israel", a national Jewish singles project aimed at addressing the singles issue in Israel and beyond.
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