The Widow in the Jewish Community by Naomi Feder
It is hard to imagine the pain that a woman experiences when she loses her husband. While mourning this incredible loss, she must also transition into this next phase of her life. Essentially, she must to learn to see herself as a complete and whole individual rather than as half of a couple. She must assume full responsibility for tasks that she previously had shared with her husband i.e. taking care of finances by herself, making major decisions alone, arranging social activities for herself or her family. She must also learn to be at peace when alone.The widow will need to tap into her innermost resources, some of which may have been dormant when her husband was alive. And now she may need help, direction and possibly even permission to develop her potential. Though she may not see it that way initially, it could be an opportunity for her to become more complete than she was before. It can best be accomplished when the woman begins to see herself as valuable unto herself because of the traits she has, because of her accomplishments, because of how she deals with life's struggles and tasks and because of the kind of woman she is.
How does the Jewish community fit in? What role do community members have in this transitional process? To truly understand the responsibility the Jewish Community must have to the more vulnerable person, we look to the laws in the Torah. With great sensitivity, the Torah commands us not only to meet the widow's concrete needs but to go beyond that and even anticipate her needs.
Doing so makes it unnecessary for her to present herself as needy or dependent on others. We are commanded to adopt the single person into our family - to have her become an integral part of our family. Inherent in the Orthodox community is an incredible support system. Our laws establish a firm structure creating predictability and security. A basic tenet in Jewish thought is that all Jews are responsible for one another. For a widow or for a single person this can provide a feeling of safety. Being invited for a Shabbat meal can be experienced as an act of inclusion, of being made to feel that one is a vital part of a group.
There are increasingly numerous and important ways a widow or any single woman can establish her own identity and connectedness to the community. She can lead or attend classes or study groups, become part of community activities, be a shul officer or sit on the Board. Opportunities for community involvement have increased for women - both married and single.
Our community needs to reach out to each widow and adopt her into our midst, valuing her for who she is and for all that she can become. This will be a great help in her task to becoming whole again, and will in turn strengthen the fabric of our community.
Naomi Feder is an LCSW, board certified diplomate in clinical social work, with a private practice in Englewood, NJ.
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